What makes me feel lucky

Today I was w thinking about my lovely Amelia, and how lucky we are to have a beautiful girl like her, who has Down syndrome.  Amelia was the “meant to be” baby.  We decided to get pregnant, and about a half and hour after we, um, “decided”, I was pretty sure I’d conceived.  A few weeks later a pregnancy test confirmed our thoughts.  From day one, everything about that pregnancy was “meant to be”.  A long series of mishaps and OB’s led me to a wonderful doctor who discovered the cause of the stroke I had suffered four years earlier.  Dr. B kept me safe my entire pregnancy.  Even labor, though long, was uneventful, and when they brought Amelia to NICU, it was merely from the effect of pregnancy drugs.

It was hard finding out she had Mosaic Down syndrome, and terrifying when the geneticist said she heard a heart murmur.  A few years later, with no surgeries or medications, the hole in her heart closed on its own.  That’s lucky. We had such an incredible experience with Amelia, that we had my darling Zoe.  While it’s true that ride has been a bit bumpy with her autism and sensory issues, every day now I see tiny progressions.  The fact that in the last week she started saying “Ma” like any other child, warmed my heart.  She has, in fact, been spending the last few weeks lavishing kisses and hugs on me daily.  Once again, lucky.

BOTH my kids like the mummy game. I’m flummoxed as to why..

And my husband?  Like every provider in a bad economy, he has certainly struggled, but he’s been by my side, covering my back and protecting my dreams as we have journeyed through our girls’ disabilities.  We may argue, but neither of us ever sleeps on the couch.  And we still look forward to our dates nights and enjoy them thoroughly.

I can’t say that I’ve never had bad moments, but today I realized that if I’d never had kids, I wouldn’t be where I am now: at peace, happy, wiser, and self-confident.  I don’t think the woman I am would exist if I didn’t have this family. If I were single or childless, I’d probably be a workaholic, spending lots of money on “stuff” that doesn’t matter, and going to places I would neither cherish nor remember.  I probably wouldn’t have the deep faith in God I have now, the amazing friends that surround me, or a perspective that keeps me grounded in gratitude.

What makes me feel lucky?  My gorgeous family, and I’m grateful every day for them.