5 Signs You Need to Call in a Special Needs Advocate

My beautiful second grader who’s benefitted from advocate intervention in the past.

The thing with raising children with learning disabilities or special needs is that even when you get to a good place with your children, things can change and you’re back in school for a meeting. This is unfortunate, but it’s part of the changing landscape of life – and kids like ours don’t do very well with change.

Sometimes, though, you get done with the meeting and disaster follows. Or you haven’t called that meeting yet for one reason or another even though you need to.  Today, I’m going to give you a list of 5 signs to look for that mean you may need to call in a special needs advocate.

1. You’re clueless OR have only limited understanding of your child’s rights.
   This is nothing to be ashamed of. In my early days, people would throw an alphabet soup of abbreviations at me – IEP, IDEA, LRE – and my head would spin. THEN they’d refer to me to WrightsLaw.com, and that site is great, but I was still confused, and further confused how that applied in PA, what were the rights of the school and what I could reasonably demand. An advocate will not only help you understand rights for people with disabilities, but will also help you with real world application for your child.  If you’re confused, get help before that meeting.
2. The solutions proposed at the last meeting are failing. Big time.
   OK, so you had the meeting, discussed and agree on actions, and all seemed to be going well, but the real world result is that you’ve created another problem. Or, you got home and suddenly realize the application of the solution is detrimental to your child or her education. A third party can come in and contribute a fresh solution. Your advocate will have plenty of experience, hopefully, and with a draw full of IEPs behind her, can suggest something none of you may have not considered that worked for a prior client.
3. You suspect you are being lied to.
   I thank God that I’m not in this position, but I once was. At the time, I didn’t know how to handle any of this process and, falling into that “clueless” category, I had already thought to bring an advocate. It wasn’t until Amelia was in a different school that I even knew I was being lied to. When things don’t add up, you need to call in an advocate to figure out what is an exaggeration, what is correct on paper but wrong in implementation or what “smells rotten.” There are administrators and schools that feel like they can easily get away with a lie and that will make everything OK – for them.  I wish this were not the case, but you need to keep yours open – and keep engaged with the school – to uncover deceptions that can hurt your kids. This is especially true if your child has communications issues and cannot tell you something is wrong.
4. In the last meeting, people avoided eye contact.
   This may be a corollary to the last bullet, but it’s a big clue that something is not quite right, particularly if the people who can’t look directly at you have worked with you for a while.  It could be a guilt reflex and it means that they, too, know something is wrong but they have their jobs to consider. (Unfortunately, all the damage done to the teaching profession by budget cuts, angry parent and misrepresentation from anti-teacher groups means that teachers have to walk a very fine line AND still try to put the best interest of your child first. Personally, I imagine this is something like walking on a tight rope over the Grand Canyon.)  It could mean they know something they cannot reveal, perhaps about another child. It could mean a lot of things, but it’s something that your advocate can help you all get to the bottom of.
5. Something doesn’t “feel right.”
   So you’re in the meeting and everything seems right and logical, but something is off. It’s like your Spidey Sense is tingling. Warrior Mama, it’s time to trust your instincts. Go back and chat with your advocate about what was discussed and odds are you’ll discover something is wrong. It’s never failed with me, every time I knew something was up, I was right – just uninformed. Don’t get all paranoid that you’re being suspicious, these things do happen.

OK, so where do you go when you need a special needs advocate? We found ours through the Arc of Lehigh Valley, so look locally for an organization that supports people and children with special needs or supports your child’s disability. One caveat you should note is that we do not pay for this service in PA. In other states, you may need to pay, so while you are reading the above, keep that in mind.

Here are some other good articles that address this issue:

• How Can I Find an Advocate? Attorney? Educational Consultant?
• Council of Parent Attorney & Advocates (COPAA) Legal & Advocacy Resources
• Understanding Special Education Advocacy

Now, are you ever wrong? Sure, you can be.  Perhaps you are being paranoid, or overly sensitive or were misinformed when you Googled something. In that case, you truly need an advocate to set you right before you go into a meeting with accusations, supposition and wrong data.  Instead, find yourself a good advocate and make the corrections your child needs to stay on course!

Related Posts:
How to Have a Good IEP Meeting	5 Tips for School Success for Special Needs Parents	IEP, Fall, 2009: The Good School-Age IEP