This is beautiful to me…eye of the beholder, baby. And it’s self-portrait. I told you she’s a skilled photographer!
Last night, my husband and I were watching our local meteorologist give the weather report and he turned to me and said, “Could her dress BE any tighter?”
I was only half paying attention so I put on my glasses. Sure enough, the weather woman looked to be about a size 6 heaped with generous curves, which you could easily tell from her dress, which was probably a size 4.
I’ve been noticing an alarming rise in just how pretty female TV show stars & newscasters have to be and I’m really disturbed by it. Yes, I know that leading female characters (and most leading males) in TV shows always have to be attractive. I get it. We couldn’t possibly stand to watch anyone for 45 minutes who wasn’t terribly good looking. (Right. Our most beloved characters were gorgeous, right? Well, no, actually, at least not in the past.)
However, in the last year or two, the bar for this has been set impossibly high. My husband and I are big scifi fans, so when we started watching Continuum, which I really like, I have to say that one thing – and one thing only – annoyed me: The protagonist, and only because she was drop dead gorgeous. Entirely too pretty to be a cop. Entirely too distracting to be good for the plot. However, as the plot grew, she grew on me, so I let it go. Maybe it was a fluke.
Then, the new season came and hubby and I learned that the awesome James Spader was starring in a new show. Completely drawn in by the commercials, we were swept into “Blacklist” – which, by the way, we love – and guess what? The protagonist is ANOTHER very pretty law enforcement agent, this time employed by the FBI.
Attractive leads in law enforcement have never been uncommon but somehow Dana Scully, Olivia Dunham, heck, even Temperance Brennan don’t quite have this Cover Girl glimmer-in-the-eye thing.
This is bad enough, but this “perfect beauty” issue is everywhere. It used to be a controversy to have women sportscasters in locker room – and now, have you SEEN how pretty they are? And what about 82 year olds with hot model bodies photoshopped onto magazine covers? Have we lost our minds?
Raising girls with disabilities has always been a challenge and I won’t lie, my daughters appear that they will be reasonably attractive. But what does that mean? Will they stand by the wayside, feeling worthless and dejected because no human can possibly measure up to the standard of beauty that is put before us? Will plastic surgery be cheaper and pushed down their throats as a job requirement in the future? Amelia has mosaic Down syndrome, and while she doesn’t show all the physical traits, when she was a baby we learned that there IS cosmetic surgery to remove the facial characteristics of Down syndrome. I’m not sure it bothered me at the time, but now it send shivers down my spine.
Last night, I saw a commercial where an African American model was promoting makeup or something. In this ad, the model wore about 2 tons of eye makeup on and had long, straight brown hair with sharp bangs. She wore leggings and a bright shirt and her skin looked super light. (I’ve seen her before, I think her skin is darker, they just hit her with a ton of lights.) She looked very “off” to me, and at the end of the ad, she is standing next to a white model…and they LOOKED EXACTLY THE SAME. It completely freaked me out but it was a valuable lesson.
It’s our uniqueness that make us stand out.
Some of that uniqueness comes from our imperfections – the roguish scar, asymetrical eyes, a flat nose. Some of it comes from who we were born to be – black, white, Asian, olive-skinned, blonde, red-headed, freckled. Some of it comes from age and experience – wrinkles, white hair, liver spots.
The media is trying to do away with that. I still like these shows but this underlying theme of perfection is disturbing to me, especially as I raise children who are ALREADY labeled as”different.”
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30
A lesson I remind MYSELF every week.
So how do you teach your children that beauty is not important and how do we, as a society, protect our kids from this pursuit of perfection?
Need some inspiration? Check out Motivation Mondays and add your inspirational post or healthy recipe to the linky!
Cindy says
Great post. I really do think beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. I think that people are attracted to what they believe is beautiful. When it comes to teaching my kids, I never let them feel “wrong” for thinking something is pretty. I don’t want them to conform into thinking there is only one definition of beauty. However, I do step in when they say they do NOT think something is pretty. I let them know the difference between liking something and appreciating it; They can appreciate something without liking it. Their opinions are much different than mine and I don’t want that to ever change.
Gina B says
That’s a really perspective, Cindy. Thanks for sharing. It actually addresses my worry: that all this perfect beauty in front of our kids raises THEIR bar on what’s acceptable and damages them in terms of relationships and experiences. I want my kids’ opinions to differ, and I’m not against appreciating beauty, but I don’t want them to believe that ONLY beauty is acceptable.
Heather says
First off, your daughter is an amazing photographer. I have really enjoyed the pictures of hers you have shared. I agree that beautify is about the differences. Scott Westerfield’s The Uglies is based on the premise that pure symmetry is beautiful – but us the series goes on, you realize a lot is lost in that “perfect” beauty. I’ll take unique over perfect any day.
Gina B says
Thank you Heather! She really is gifted. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that assessment! I have to check out that series.
Melinda@LookWhatMomFound...andDadtoo says
the standards are so high that us regular folks don’t have a chance 🙂
I admit I love me some eye candy but it’s even better when they turn out to be great actors/athletes/singers/whatever.
Gina B says
No we don’t, but maybe we have a chance to excel at something better. (Integrity, I hope??) Agreed, talent should trump everything else. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t always 🙁
Cecelia says
I’m wondering when this starts…haven’t even considered this discussion with my 7 yr. Old but probably should…
Gina B says
Good question. For my kids, I clearly saw when they went from not at all caring about personal appearance to suddenly wanting to only wear this or needing that hat. It was OVERNIGHT! I’d say once they start considering their looks, it’s time.
Lindsey @ sisterstosons.com says
Amen girlfriend!!!
Gina B says
🙂
Caitlin says
oh this makes me so sad. I’ve noticed the same thing on the news. I have read some great children’s books on everyone looking different. I also have been trying so hard since she was born to watch my mouth about my own body image.
Gina B says
Yea, that’s an epic fail for me. I was so raised with LOTS of good, solid values, but also the importance of looking good – not from words, from actions. It’s a tough habit to break.
Carrie says
This is a tough one. My kids are still so little, so I try to focus on staying healthy and never comparing them to others. I’m sure this will become more of an issue as they get older, especially for my daughter, who will always be significantly smaller than her peers due to her health issues.
Gina B says
Ah but being petite has its advantages! I used to be a wiz on the New York subways with my short frame, getting through the crowd is no problem. Getting to the front of a general admission concert? Also no problem. And you can date ANY height guy, LOL, although I’m sure that’s not one you want to contemplate yet! The biggest downside is all the tailoring you have to do of pants.
carrie says
As a girl who struggled with this, I often worry about the same insecurities for my daughter. I know I need to remember to teach her what true beauty is, and I’ve started by asking about the beautiful things inside to get her to start thinking about it.
Gina B says
I love the way you phrase that, Carrie! I always make sure to let them know when I call my kids “beautiful,” I mean their heart. Unless they’ve asked me how an outfit they have put together out of their imagination looks 🙂
Tiffany says
This is SO good, Gina! We are definitely setting our kids up to meet a standard that they can’t possibly meet! And the scary thing is that’s it’s not even real! They are phtotshopped and enhanced. Our girls will never be able to meet that standard bc it’s not even a REAL standard.
Gina B says
Oh agreed, it’s NOT real! That’s why I mentioned the 82yo model – she was OBVIOUSLY Photoshopped into a svelte, young body. Creepy. Thanks for the compliment. I think it’s an important issue.
Anna@Green Talk says
Great post Gina. It really scares me since I see the media affects on teen age girls. They all think they are ugly and fat. It doesn’t help to see famous models which are thinner than thin.
It all starts at home. Teach them how beautiful they are from the beginning.
Gina B says
Teach them they are beautiful inside! Mom always called me beautiful and it was painful to discover reality. There’s a fine balance, I think. ..you do want them to be happy with how they look too.
Liza | @aMusingFoodie says
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown to appreciate my uniqueness even more! In terms of my daughter, I try to model the behavior I want her to adapt (no pun intended). That’s how my mom was, and it worked well for me. 🙂
Gina B says
Great advice, Liza! I have grown in this way too, but I’m still not where i need to be. But I also find there is a fine line. I want to look good and presentable – that’s important in our world, but I want to be comfortable and ok when I don’t, like when I’m sick. That’s where I flounder.
Pam Gordon says
<3 this!!!! Thank you for posting it!
Gina B says
Thanks, Pam!
Kylie says
Amazing post. I’m hoping I can just teach my daughter that inner character is what’s important. It will be hard, I know. I am already trying to view media through her eyes and remember what it was like when I was a teen and my body image wasn’t so great. It might mean not having a TV at all and limiting what media is in our home – radical concepts. O_O We’ll see.
Gina B says
Thanks Kylie! Yea, I know – radical indeed! 🙂 My girl is still into little kid stuff, so most of her TV watching is safe, but she loves movies, so I have to be really careful.
Barb @ A Life in Balance says
Gina – as a mom of a 7 year old girl, I am definitely struggling with this. I know deep down I don’t feel confident about my own looks. I don’t want my dd7 to feel the same way about herself. I tell her all the time how beautiful her smile is. Other kids gravitate towards her because of the life in her face. Yet, she thinks no one likes her. UGH!
I’d love for you to share your post at Motivation Monday. It’s perfect!
Gina B says
LOL, kids gravitate towards Amelia because she has just a happy, fun spirit! And she’s a fearless player. At 11, she FINALLY has some girl friends (although her BF is a boy again) – boys naturally are attracted to her because of her spirit of play. We are in for some trouble once the “liking boys” phase really kicks in, lol! Oh yes, I’ll get on that, thanks!
Jennifer says
My husband’s name translates to “other”. My favorite stance to take is opposite. In other words, I agree that our differences make us beautiful. As a mixed race kid in an interfaith marriage who has lived abroad, homogeny is boring. Beautifully written!
Gina B says
Love that -you must have some awesome stories to tell, Jennifer! Thank you.
tessa says
This is truly a disturbing reality of our culture and I’m glad more people are thinking about it and seeing it. Its easier to fight something with a name. Congrats on your feature at Motivation Monday. I invite you to share this post and any others ever week at The Sunday Social Blog Hop – I’d love my readers to see this one!
http://homesteadlady.com/sunday-social-blog-hop-32914/
Gina B says
Just seeing this now, Tessa, thank you, I will link up!