Lately, I see a lot of talk about bullying – it’s a rising problem in schools, cyberbullying is a big issue, kids with special needsare a big target. In fact, it’s a problem in OUR school – our diverse, hip, parents-totally-involved, non-traditional, seven generations based school.
And it’s really disturbing to me. The solutions to bullying have evaded the best of us, and I think the reason it has reached the epic proportions lately is thanks to one group of people:
THE ADULTS
Now, I know that in this country, we have our differences, and we tend to lock ourselves in an area or region where would let those differences simmer, heighten, and ultimately rule our consciousness. Then came along the internet, and Facebook, and now, everyone with Wifi access can speak their mind, which is a good thing.
Sometimes.
But it’s also a bad thing, and it’s become a bad thing because you are not allowed to have multiple opinions.
That’s right, and here is my own experience:
If you are against vaccines, then, dammit, you are against every thing any pharma company in the world has ever done, and God forbid you visit CVS or Walgreens or take any kind of medications. Your intentions are suspect.
If you are pro-vaccines, then you better make sure you give your family every single shot the minute it rolls into production, and you better take lots of meds for all your problems and don’t even bother eating right or worry about your immunity because there’s a drug for that. Question it and you are under suspicion.
Well then. I must be a human paradox. I seriously don’t understand why I can’t embrace some or all of those things. Can’t I be liberal-leaning in environmental causes, read the Bible fundamentally, and have a multitude of opinions on drugs and pharma? Do I have to boycott everything, even if I don’t agree? I eat food that is bad for me and has (gasp!) GMOs. I take medications and believe the Western medical machine has saved my life and the life of many I know. I think The American Cancer Society has done work that has saved folks I care about, but I also think that chemo is toxic and dangerous. You need to make the choice, and it’s NOT an easy one if you are facing life or death.
Cancer kills, and it’s possible that nutrition, supplements, and homeopathy can save. You can also DIE ANYWAY. That, my friends, is life.
And shall we talk autism? What is wrong with our community? I mean it, God, really, what’s up with us?? You are either for or against the autism-environment argument and don’t you dare cross any lines. Holy cow batman, are you kidding? How are we going to make ANY progress for our children like this?
I’m sad to say, American Public, that you have embraced and reiterated the very ugly state of Congress today. Their approval rating may be in the dumps, but it’s your attitude that’s made it what it is today, and you are emanating it.
This “my way or the highway” attitude has let us break out in full on brawls online, and then we go complain to our groups too, but then we bring it home and share with spouses and friends about how WE were right and THEY were trolls.
AND OUR KIDS HEAR IT ALL.
And I’m sure that’s how a diverse, integrative, fully inclusive school suffers from bullying bad enough that people have withdrawn their kids. Bad enough that I’ve needed to check to make sure my kid wasn’t engaged in it. Bad enough that there are people at an absolute loss in how it started and how to stop it.
We stop it at home. We parents – all of us, even you – need to sit down and think long and hard if it’s even remotely possible that our child was a bully, is a bully, hangs out with bullies, or lets the bullies do what they do, and does nothing. We parents need to teach our children about the value of every human, the fallibility of every human, the grace that happens when we forgive humans, the Golden Rule of treating other humans exactly like we wanted to be treated.
And we don’t get there by talking to them.
Maybe you’re thinking, it’s summer, who cares now?
You should care now because you have 12 weeks to do your best to make sure your child is NOT bullied OR a bully. Invite over some less popular kids. Have your kids help out at places that help kids with special needs. Get your child in some kind of buddy program, or have him volunteer in a nursing home or hospital. We need kids to know it’s NOT OK for people to be bullied and to show them it should never happen on their watch! Empower them to reach out and protect the helpless and you might find discover one of the solutions to bullying is right in your own home.
Image courtesy of Ambro, / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Rebecca Whitney says
Amen!
I was the target of bullying my entire childhood and then I got a series of jobs in childcare, and from my experience/vantage point, I couldn’t agree with you more. Children are the result of their upbringing. The sweet little 6 lb. babies are a clean and innocent slate and we, as parents, mold and shape and influence them, good and bad, by our words and by discipline and by actions. Prejudice is taught, plain and simple. Hate is taught. Intolerance is taught. Two toddlers in the sand don’t see black and white, they see another child with a similar bucket and pail. The television programs we allow our children to view and the conversations we have with our own peers, in person or over the phone, that they overhear, these are the influences that form their viewpoints. Our kids model themselves after us and desire, more than anything, right from the get-go, to be just like us. We, as parents/role models, have to instruct verbally and through our own lifestyle, choices and actions, what we want to see emulated in our offspring. The chances of a child of a smoker becoming a smoker, themselves, is drastically higher; this should tell us all something. Every bully child I have ever dealt with had a jerk or hyper-judgmental extemist for a mother and/or father, or a stepmother/stepfather, every one of them. It’s time that parents take responsibility for their own children’s outcomes and stop blaming the media, video games, other children or the school systems.
Gina B says
Thanks, Rebecca. Well, I’ve definitely known some bullies where the parent I knew was NOT a jerk, but of course that doesn’t tell the whole picture of what’s going on. And I think it’s easy for parents who are not jerks in today’s world to slip over the line and comment on those who disagree with unfortunate words – and don’t think they are being prejudiced. I know LOTS of people who will throw about the word “stupid” left and right but call themselves accepting and tolerant. This, too, is something we need to watch for!