Last week, I was going through my daughter’s photos from school – her teacher puts up photos of major class events – and found myself in tears. It had been an awful day, from finding someone I care about posting things that made me sad, to a depressed husband, to a lonely day, and it ended with this. I can see the gap between her and her classmates, and I feel like it’s so much bigger than Amelia’s ever was. Can she achieve more?
Or is it my fault? I question: have I done right by the girls? We’ve semi-slacked on the diets, and I wonder: is it because I’m not really seeing changes, or is it just too hard? I’m not the most observant person, ok, actually, my skills of observation totally suck, but how do I know that I couldn’t be doing more? The homeopathy is supposed to resolve all the issues, but am I doing it right? I feel so mentally challenged with all this. I used to be a smart person, but I have a lot going on in my life – God cutting and shaping me, and it hurts terribly, and husband’s crisis, and then I get another crummy report from school – and suddenly, it’s almost like anxiety, this shortness of breath, this sense of failure. Where is it coming from?
That’s all really. I know life is good and even in crisis, we are being provided for and sheltered, but I felt really alone that day. And parenting, I know, it’s always like this…lonely. Peace to you all.
Last weekend, we went to a mall and found a train can be driven around the mall (no track). The kids loved it, and yes, they wore their hats all day!
Maria says
Focus on the happy small moments you have with the kids and not on things you can not help or change. Your children are loved and have love for you. We all have our bad days but it makes the good ones so much better! Keep smiling! 🙂
Gina B says
Great advice, Maria. I do – I will – every now and again, I fail. I blog about that to keep it real, I know so many moms struggle with these feelings every day 🙁 peace to you!
maria @ close tohome says
Keep up the positive attitude as much as you can. Kids really feed off positive energy or negative if it is all around. good luck
Gina B says
Thanks! I’m much better now, it’s just a challenging world for my kids, but you know what? THEY never lose heart, not yet anyway 🙂
Meagan says
First off Hugs…. And I can so totally relate. I don’t look at the walls when I walk down the hall of my sons grade level because everything screams out at me how far apart my son is from his classmates. I don’t think we are ever going to stop second guessing ourselves when it comes to doing everything we can or if we are doing everything we can to do help our kids. But you know what, these kids were given to us because it was Gods plan and you know he has to know what he’s doing, we will get there one day at a time and we have each other to lean on and rally behind each other…. Bc special needs parenting and allergy diets aren’t for the faint of heart.
Gina B says
LOL!! They certainly AREN’T for the faint of heart 🙂 God has really built up my strength by gracing me to parent my beautiful girls. Yea, I know that “don’t look around at the artwork” feeling. Thanks for sharing. I’m better now, every now and again, it’s hard.
Gina B says
Thank you, Ashley! It is a better day 🙂
Kelli Avery says
I have a post it note on my desk for times when I feel like I just can’t handle everything in my life.
It simply says….
“You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it…”
Every time I am having a bad, depressing, almost lost day, I see that and it reminds me how strong I really am. For myself, my family and most of all for my kids! The fact that you do second guess yourself means you care and are trying to do the best for you and yours. Keep your head up, one day you will look back and think wow, I thought that was hard.. 🙂
Gina B says
Thanks, Kelli. That’s a great idea, keeping that note around. Hm, good way to look at it!
Tiffany (NatureMom) says
I feel this. It can be so hard to focus on the good and instead fret about all the things aren’t so good. I have two autistic boys and constantly worry for them. I have to remind myself constantly not to live in the future and worry about tomorrow’s problems before they even happen.
Gina B says
Good point, Tiffany. It isn’t easy, but that is what we have to do.
tara pittman says
writing and leaning on God will help you. It is the little things that bring happiness like a train ride
Gina B says
yes, I do! He’s the ONLY thing that helps, I get tripped when I lose site of that 🙂
Heidi says
To me it sounds like you are doing your best for your children and that is all we can do. Days can be hard but knowing that God is taking care of us and our loved ones is comforting. It is hard to do though. My kids don’t have special needs but I still get that mommy guilt of thinking I am not always doing everything perfectly-but He doesn’t expect us to and that is what we have to work hard to remember.
Gina B says
Aw, thanks Heidi! Very true, I admit 🙂
Jamie says
None of us Mom’s are perfect and learning as we go is just part of the game. Just give up all of the trials and worry to God, pray often and see what He can do through you to be a great Mom!!
Gina B says
thank you Jamie! Words to live by 🙂
Melinda@LookWhatMomFound...andDadtoo says
we all stumble but what counts is you get back on track and do what you can for you and your girls.
Gina B says
A mom’s job: never saying, help! I’ve fallen and can’t get back up! 🙂