Today was an emotional day, for some reason. Not sure why, but this morning during my quiet time, I got extremely sad thinking about all the parents doing their best and still, even after amazing advances, have to deal with so many difficulties that their child with autism suffers.
This weekend I heard a story about a mom rearranging her whole schedule to be with her child, he was so distressed by her routine. As I listened to that, it reminded me of the times that Zoe has just clung to me, when I was heading off somewhere or trying to get her to sleep, and something occurred to me.
Autism has made us all better parents.
I look around me and everywhere I see parents quitting jobs, adjusting schedules, refining budgets, questioning doctors, researching care, reading medical treatises, campaigning for their kids and so much more. Even as I write that, and hate the implications of that, I know it’s true. It’s made me a better person, too and I’m absolutely sure I wouldn’t be where I am in my faith if not for autism.
As part of the “me” generation, we pretty much assumed we had it all and thought raising kids would be a breeze. We had, after all, money and way more conveniences than our parents and grandparents.
Of course, the economy crashed and burned, taking down our savings, and modern innovation turned out to be at best, unhealthy, or at worst, toxic.
As a Christian, I don’t believe that God does bad things to us, but He does allow things to happen – He can stop anything He likes, but He’ll allow us pain if it will teach us a lesson. Autism and other conditions that are environmentally related have certainly taught this generation of parents that “having it all” is not the best goal for our kids.
We don’t need to have it all.
We just have to help our families.
Autism has taught us:
- to carefully and cautiously research treatment options so we can put our resources into the right basket of care
- to save for that day when we won’t be here to help our children and ensure they are taken care of
- to stop blindly putting toxins into our kids just because some government group says it’s “safe” and take responsibility for our child’s health directly
- to fight for our childrens’ rights – in school, in medicine, in therapy, and in public
- to prioritize our families over our careers and our money
Did we need that last lesson? Maybe some did. As I watched the pain in that mother’s eyes as she described how rigid her child was, I was filled with wonder and joy at her overwhelming love. Maybe some of us had lost our way being good stewards of our family’s emotional and spiritual security because we focused too much on their financial security.
Perhaps we all need to get back on track.
As I write this, trying to find the blessing in the slew of physical, medical, emotional and psychological damage our children are suffering in this day and age, I in no way am happy about it. I would love to go back to a time when an overwhelming majority of kids who survived childbirth grew up just fine, when a kid who could not sit in a classroom was an extreme rarity. I pray regularly for our children to return to health and that the next wave of babies be protected from these disabilities that are now challenging so many families. I say a prayer for every pregnant woman and healthy baby I know to stay that way.
Silver Lining Reaching
It’s a stretch, perhaps, but this is not the silver lining I would have chosen for myself. If you asked me when I was pregnant, “Would you rather be a better parent, or be a so-so parent and have a completely healthy, typical child?” What is the “right” answer? Which is the less selfish answer? I know there is definitely a part of me that would rather have the healthy, typical child for HER sake – but that sounds selfish, somehow. I have no idea but I didn’t get to make that choice.
Maybe that’s why we DON’T get to choose. Take the hand you’re dealt and work it into something amazing. Parents, I know you do your best and most times, that doesn’t feel like it’s enough … but it is. Do your best and keep your priorities in order. Drop out that crap you don’t need and can’t waste time on. No one is asking more of you than that, and truly there’s nothing more you can do.
