Hello peeps. I’ve got to tell you, it’s been rough lately. I’ve been extremely busy and not sleeping well, so blogging has been hard. Come Sunday night, I lost it.
You see, the reason I’ve not been sleeping is because Zoe has not been sleeping. She is up til the wee hours, or she cat naps and then wanders into our room at 3am. It is not a good situation, I have a hard time sleeping with anyone, much less a tireless, energetic 5 year old.
But the real stress is my disappointment over my shattered plans for Zoe for this year, and fear about her kindergarten situation for next year. She starts a week or 2 before her sixth birthday, and I just don’t see any good options that will NOT have her repeating K at the age of 7. (AUGH)
So this all kind of imploded on me: her disabilities, her sleeplessness, her tantrums, her refusal to wear clothes at home, her lack of progress, her lack of options for a better or more education or preschool, to prep her for 5 days a week in 11 months. Don’t even get me started on potty training, which I epicly failed at with Amelia and am failing now. So I melted down. I sat in my bed and a had a right pity party, full of blaming God, tears, and maybe I even threw a book. No one else knew or heard it, but it shook me to the core.
At the end of it, though, I felt like that woman in “Eat, Pray, Love
“. At the beginning of the book, stuck in an untenable life, Elizabeth Gilbert breaks down and cries, no, weeps. When she is done, a long long time later, begging the universe what to do next, a voice tells her to sleep. Something similar happened, except I was told to read. I did, opening “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World
“, thinking I’d left it off at the “server others” chapter. I’d actually left it off just before the last chapter, where the author admits to struggling with writing the book because she had not yet learned that Mary-Martha balance.
And that was a word to me. I’m in the middle of it, and I can’t see the way out, but God is exhorting me, no, forcing me to get it down on the page, to churn out something that is for Him and for you, but really and truly is probably for me.
So I’m committing (and at the end of it, I may be committed!) – I’m writing a non-fiction book of encouragement. The chapters were outlined in a fever pitch one evening, and right now the intro section is killing me. A chapter a week? Or a day? Or maybe I’ll have to jump in and play along with NANOWRIMO next month.
Keep me honest, dear readers! Ask me if I’m writing, and hold me to it.
Ok, I’m burnt out, but I did write a little, and it’s craptastic, but it’s a start…
peace out…
Ginger says
Dearest.
I wish I can say it will be better for you tomorrow. You stand before a mountain to climb that is inaccessible to me. What I can say is that God gives the heaviest loads to the most worthy, and he sent you his angels to care for, knowing in the end, you are the gift to them. They are blessed to have you.
I know you feel low, and in the middle of a life you had not planned on. Know that your story is already written. God has already marked your way. Worry of tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Make your plans and give them to God to make your way. And BREATHE.
As far as Nano.. meet me for 1/2 every night.. and blitz with me.. write full out for 1/2 hour. You will get your story down. I promise I will be there if you promise to meet me. I will hold you to it.
xoxo
admin says
Ginger, you are a dear sweet friend! Yes, this mountain is hard, and worse, it’s harder to see over it. I like what you say about my story being written already. And daily, I give my kids to God.
OK, I’m in…I can do a half an hour.
I’m not feeling as low as I would have even a year ago. Part of it is just exhaustion, which stresses me out too. Been getting up early to find some “me time”, so I’m pretty sleepy 🙂
Ginger says
Dearest.
I wish I can say it will be better for you tomorrow. You stand before a mountain to climb that is inaccessible to me. What I can say is that God gives the heaviest loads to the most worthy, and he sent you his angels to care for, knowing in the end, you are the gift to them. They are blessed to have you.
I know you feel low, and in the middle of a life you had not planned on. Know that your story is already written. God has already marked your way. Worry of tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Make your plans and give them to God to make your way. And BREATHE.
As far as Nano.. meet me for 1/2 every night.. and blitz with me.. write full out for 1/2 hour. You will get your story down. I promise I will be there if you promise to meet me. I will hold you to it.
xoxo
admin says
Ginger, you are a dear sweet friend! Yes, this mountain is hard, and worse, it’s harder to see over it. I like what you say about my story being written already. And daily, I give my kids to God.
OK, I’m in…I can do a half an hour.
I’m not feeling as low as I would have even a year ago. Part of it is just exhaustion, which stresses me out too. Been getting up early to find some “me time”, so I’m pretty sleepy 🙂
Ginger says
1/2 hour. its hard to be poetic when you leave words out of your sentence. Idiot me.
Ginger says
1/2 hour. its hard to be poetic when you leave words out of your sentence. Idiot me.
Noel Miskovsky says
Hi there, I am over from Mommy Blogs. I decided I would pick one blog a night to visit and follow instead of just looking of the list of Top Headlines. I followed you and want to invite you to visit me at http://www.pinkdivacafe.com
Noel
admin says
Hi Noel, awesome, thank you! I checked out Pink Diva Cafe..very cool, I “liked” you on Facebook! Welcome.
admin says
Hi Noel, awesome, thank you! I checked out Pink Diva Cafe..very cool, I “liked” you on Facebook! Welcome.
Ginger says
Just remember… Llife doesn’t start when you get to the top. Its the climb to the top of that mountain is what makes life..It’s the everyday. So stop trying to see the top. There is no point andits putting undue pressure on yourself.
when we get closer to Nano, We will schedule times. Im all outlined and ready to go. xoxoxo
admin says
Thanks Ginger! Sounds good, I’m excited 🙂
Ginger says
Just remember… Llife doesn’t start when you get to the top. Its the climb to the top of that mountain is what makes life..It’s the everyday. So stop trying to see the top. There is no point andits putting undue pressure on yourself.
when we get closer to Nano, We will schedule times. Im all outlined and ready to go. xoxoxo
admin says
Thanks Ginger! Sounds good, I’m excited 🙂
Kelly says
So sorry about all the stress, but glad you made some progress. I love the book Eat, Pray, Love….especially the part you mentioned. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers that you will find some peace as well as a good night’s sleep.
admin says
Aw, thank you Kelly! That means a lot.
Kelly says
So sorry about all the stress, but glad you made some progress. I love the book Eat, Pray, Love….especially the part you mentioned. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers that you will find some peace as well as a good night’s sleep.
admin says
Aw, thank you Kelly! That means a lot.