In a school year full of disappointments, it’s now very likely that Amelia will have another big one. We were thrilled when a few weeks ago the school asked her to participate in a few events for the Special Olympics. She’s been SO excited and doing so practicing for them. All we needed was a doctor visit and a sign off.
Now it was no easy feat to even GET an appointment with only one car and a hubby who can’t take a day off. (What the HECK is it with all the doctors and the 9-5 office hours?) But on Saturday, we finally managed, so Zoe’s paperwork went to the post office today and is all done.
It felt like a miracle.
Amelia, however, needed a sign off from her former cardiologist. 24 hours and a dozen phone calls later, I learn that what we were told at the time was NOT correct and that she is due for another visit. Without it, no doctor will sign off. I’m super frustrated, since we never got a reminder card OR ANY INFORMATION telling us to come back.
So I scrambled (another ton of phone calls) to make another appointment – there are NONE for months and the event is in early May.
Which means that my excited child will NOT get a sign off and cannot participate in the Special Olympics this year.
What a crushing blow.
The aide will make a few calls to see what can be done, but with the complexities of the health system, I’m not sure it can be pulled off. *JUST* to get a visit, you need a referral viist, and THAT TOO is booked up for months.
So, I’m making the most of this. If it can be nothing else positive, it can at least be a lesson for Amelia to understand that harsh disappointments come in life from things that are out of your control. As a mom, my job is to teach her:
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God has a plan.
I can’t see, looking back, any way I could have fixed this problem on time, so for some reason, she is not meant to go right now. Maybe Zoe has to do this on her own and come out from her sister’s shadow. (She does cast one!) Maybe this was so we could catch the miscommunication and get her heart checked before more time went by. I will show Amelia that timing is not always in our hands and while we may not know the reason, all things will work out for her good, as a believer, a lesson I’ve already started. And maybe we never will, but I can teach her it won’t come to pass this year but…
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This is not over.
Special Olympics is an annual event – AND the swimming starts in January. So now I know what is called for and can prep for the swimming events next year. I just need to get everything ready with the MAXIMUM amount of time allowed. And I’m sure we can do this again with the school event next year, so what looks like disappointment is really postponement. I will let her know that we are going to get her heart checked this summer so we can participate next winter and spring, as long as she’s ok.
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Make it an opportunity.
It’ll be a good learning opportunity for her to sit back and cheer her sister. After all, “You can do it!” are her favorite 4 words. What better way to build a bond than to let her know that if she can’t participate, she can show her sister love and support? I’ll just let Amelia out of school that day and it can be a family outing, and we can celebrate afterwards. Perhaps we can even write up a sign for her to hold up? Is that done?
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Coping is a really important life skill.
And the earlier learned, the better. It took me a long time to handle disappointment, pain and setbacks with grace and maturity. This is a chance to get Amelia to take a first step to master her emotions over setbacks and move on to the next good thing on the horizon. She’s really struggled to CONTROL them…by which I mean I can see she’s angry and doing what you do when upset, but also talking herself down and doing deep breathing. So she is on her way but we’ll need to reward her efforts as we talk about this setback. Perhaps take her to a local sporting event if she displays good control?
I would love to cap this off with sage advice on how to navigate the healthcare system, but by the time I figure *that* out, we probably won’t even have blogs anymore…
How do you teach your child to cope with crushing disappointments?
Mary says
All so very important. We can’t experience full joy without eing able to manage the disappointment – no matter where we are in life. Thank you for mapping it out so well.
Gina B says
You’re right – we can’t have peace without working through the pain 🙂
Jo-Lynne Shane {Musings of a Housewife} says
That is so heartbreaking. I am so sick of all the red tape between our educational and medical systems. There HAS to be a better way. I admire you for making the most of it and trying to create a teaching experience, but I say it sucks. 🙂
Gina B says
Oh it does suck! The staff cried over it! I think because it’s Amelia is off to middle school next year and they were looking forward to sending her off like this. On the upside, she may be allowed to run next to Zoe to cheer her on. (Makes no sense I know. ) Too much rough stuff for me to mourn it as much as I might have but thanks for commiserating!
carrie says
This breaks my heart. Only because it always breaks my heart when I think about how my child will feel with a big disappointment and I feel for you and your daughter. I’m so impressed with the way that you handled this. I learned a lot!
Gina B says
Thanks Carrie! One GOOD thing about adversity piled upon adversity is that it makes you think, “Meh, just another bad break, that’s life. So, what’s GOOD?” Or at least, that’s how I choose to look at it. When Amelia missed her BF’s party last summer and I later discovered he moved, I mourned over that for months AND MONTHS. I don’t have the time or energy to live like that. Life is pretty much a lemon-giving venture, but we can recognize our blessings in it and create some mighty tasty lemonade out of them!
Jennifer says
Dealing with red tape is never easy. However you handled it with grace. I enjoy your blog.
Gina B says
Thanks, Jennifer! That means a lot 🙂