Last week, I reviewed “The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to HighSchool–How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle (Updated Edition)
” at Summit Series for Parents. After reading the book, I was moved…and after hearing the news today, I don’t think we as parents, as teachers, as a society can wait anymore.
This Saturday, two 14 year old girls were found hanging in a bedroom after a slumber party. The apparent cause seems to be the bullying they suffered. My heart is broken in pieces over this.
If you’ve never been on the receiving end of bullying, it’s likely that I cannot convey the hurt, the anguish, the utter despair you feel when you have to get up every day and face people who will torture you. Not only that, but the long term effects are devastating, and “The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander” covers why and how bullying is dangerous even to the bully or the bystanders and society as a whole. (Read my review for a more in-depth look.)
The thing of it is, we don’t realize how our culture leads us down this path. I love the show, Glee, for example, but the brutality of the issue of bullying is in every episode. Well, of course, it’s a show about the outcasts in high school, but you have to wonder if it desensitizes us to what our kids might actually be going through.
I wonder, too, if my kids, who can barely articulate their needs and wants at 8 and 5, would show enough clues for me to figure out if they were being bullied, or doing the bullying? As much as I encourage them to talk and always have, they typically don’t. My faith has helped me put aside needless worrying but I can’t be blind to almost imperceptible clues and that scares me.
We cannot sit back and watch more children die. I’ve already made changes in the way I’m talking to and disciplining my kids, the way I’m getting them to interact with each other. I’ve calmed my tone, I’ve taken a moment of deep breathing and intense prayer, I’ve sat down and talked with them – irregardless if they completely understand. I’ve put this as a top priority in my spiritual life, too, since kids with disabilities get bullied way more than other kids.
If you’re a person who prays, please pray for the families of these children. I am a Christian but I sincerely believe these children are not in hell. The same cannot be said for their parents. And while you’re at it, pray for the bullies and bystanders, who sense of guilt and shame, while hidden away, must be equally intolerable.
It’s time to give our kids a sense of value and worth, and sensible discipline. As education cuts loom across the country drying up kids’ services, and the vitriol in politics continues undiminished, and the number of children diagnosed with autism rises in every neighborhood, we need to step up to the plate and do the hard work now. There isn’t a single parent who can afford to wait another minute to start giving their child self-respect, a sense of worth, and tolerance for others.
Do it now, and prevent another child from losing his or her life.
admin says
Karen, I completely agree. One reason I was hesitant to bring up that aspect is that I think bullied children get a bad rap here. I’m NOT condoning the use of violence at all, but we have to consider on a par with child abuse. The damage to the psyche is incredible. The trapped-animal feelings a juvenile victim leads to these acts of desperation. It’s SO important we give kids a way out of that, but I’m not going to say that you can 100% prevent bullying. The thing to do is give kids such a zeal for life, so much respect for others, and so much hope in their future that they couldn’t stand to do the unthinkable.
familyigloo says
Bullying is terrible… There should be more awareness at schools about the problem. Teenagers should be encouraged to speak up. Families should try to discover signs and symptoms at the dinner conversation. May be more listening and less preaching at dinner and on the way to school! Just a suggestion.
admin says
I agree, but if parents don’t equip those teens to speak out from the time they are little, it won’t happen. Talking is always good, but you can talk too much too! It’s a tricky business.
familyigloo says
Bullying is terrible… There should be more awareness at schools about the problem. Teenagers should be encouraged to speak up. Families should try to discover signs and symptoms at the dinner conversation. May be more listening and less preaching at dinner and on the way to school! Just a suggestion.
admin says
I agree, but if parents don’t equip those teens to speak out from the time they are little, it won’t happen. Talking is always good, but you can talk too much too! It’s a tricky business.
admin says
I think a full effort is needed. We make it sound way too easy to raise a child; I’m stumped DAILY by how difficult it is. You have to be engaged, and I am, but the toughest thing is engaging kids in a manner adapted to their personality. Otherwise they won’t listen, that’s just mom imposing herself or her style on you. (That’s the feeling I get from my kids.)
admin says
I think a full effort is needed. We make it sound way too easy to raise a child; I’m stumped DAILY by how difficult it is. You have to be engaged, and I am, but the toughest thing is engaging kids in a manner adapted to their personality. Otherwise they won’t listen, that’s just mom imposing herself or her style on you. (That’s the feeling I get from my kids.)
Jay says
I like seeing parents discussing the bullying issue. Personally I believe that bullying is a subject that many parents overlook. Sometimes parents refuse to believe that their child is a bully or being bullied. Unfortunately life is not a bowl of cherries, and many parents forget the daily stresses that they faced as a child. I write at blogaboutbullies.com and am trying to help deliver information to parents who may not know of resources that are available to be proactive in their children’s development. I also use a program called MouseMail that is a free service which scans emails, texts, and social sites and blocks potential predators.
admin says
Hi Jay, thank you for sharing your resources! Go ahead and use my contact email if you’d like to somehow partner in the future or advertise with me. It sounds like you’re doing good things for kids!
Jay says
I like seeing parents discussing the bullying issue. Personally I believe that bullying is a subject that many parents overlook. Sometimes parents refuse to believe that their child is a bully or being bullied. Unfortunately life is not a bowl of cherries, and many parents forget the daily stresses that they faced as a child. I write at blogaboutbullies.com and am trying to help deliver information to parents who may not know of resources that are available to be proactive in their children’s development. I also use a program called MouseMail that is a free service which scans emails, texts, and social sites and blocks potential predators.
admin says
Hi Jay, thank you for sharing your resources! Go ahead and use my contact email if you’d like to somehow partner in the future or advertise with me. It sounds like you’re doing good things for kids!