This week I need some good reminding about hope, and this is why, mamas with special kiddos, I cannot stress enough WHY YOU NEED SUPPORT!
You need, specifically:
- women friends
- family, or friends who are like family
- other mamas who have kids with the same disabilities as your children
Now, life has been really hectic, and show NO signs of slowing down with a birthday party, Scooby-Doo show, and bastketball games, ALL scheduled for next week!
That, and my intense faith, though, has not made the down days go away. So in Bible study this week, my friend asked how I was doing and I poured out my heart. I rely heavily on God and His provision – and He’s always come through, but when I look at my children and their improvement (or lack of), I worry about their future. As an older mom, I doubly worry – what happens when I’m not here any more?
And the full truth I revealed: that at this point, I just don’t see how either of them will manage adulthood unless they are in a home. (Forget college, forget marriage.)
At that point, my dear friend piped up. You see, she has a 17-year-old nephew who has autism. He started college in the fall and is doing great. What I didn’t realize?
Only 2 years before that, he couldn’t speak! Her takeaway? You have no idea what your child can or will accomplish in the future. “NEVER give up hope!”
I took it to heart. I had, in a small, shuttered corner of my heart that I don’t like to talk about, given up hope. I had laid on myself the power of things that are not in my hand…with my kids, I have control issues, and my trust in God is weak. I had started to draw the blinds down on the future of my 7- and a 10- year old girls.
This time, though, it didn’t taking read a scripture, or a prayer, or feeling the comfort of God or the Holy Spirit in my heart. It took the impassioned plea of a really good friend to see how far away I had come from hope, and how it is really too soon to throw in the towel, even in a small portion of my soul.
I encourage you today, you who have kids with special needs, who wear a brave, bright face, who overcome more hurdles than Superman while raising your kids, who cover up that small, dark shadow in the corner of your soul, to find yourself a good friend who can shake some sense into you! Or, find a mother who’s happy with the life her child leads. We are here, we mamas in the community of kids with disabilities, and we have stories that will inspire and encourage you!
Peace out, and now some birthday photos from my 10-going-on-rebellious-16-year-old (please note I really crapped out taking photos on Saturday. BIG TIME FAIL, so this is all I got):
Yumtastic GFCF cupcakes from Sugar So Sweet!
Woohoo, we can finally eat them!
“All these presents? For me????” She says it just like that.
Merida! What a gorgeous doll, she loved her.
Sherry says
Gina- you are an inspiration to us all. You are an amazing mother. I dont have a child with special needs but the little struggles we do have I need to think of you and this post. Thanks I needed to read this today.
Gina B says
Ah, Sherry, that means a lot and made my afternoon-thank you! I’m glad I could encourage you too – you deal with a lot as well.
Raya says
Too many times we try to hide our true feelings. You seem like you have it together, but sometimes we all need to let the stress out. This was a GREAT posts. Thank you for writing it!
Gina B says
Thank you so much Raya!I always want to balance: I don’t want to whine but I want to be real too. I want to encourage, but it’s hard to remember that part of encouragement is letting people know it’s ok and perfectly human to feel sucky, you just can’t do that every week or it gets depressing.
Jeannette says
I think hope and acceptance are the key parenting skills we all need. We’ll never be able to teach our kids everything they need to know. But, we can definitely demonstrate that we are always there to give what we can. Which, in sure your kids know. I’m so inspired by kids with special needs because they have an amazing ability to focus and excel at simple tasks. You don’t see that in our complex society very much. But, we definitely need more of that.
Gina B says
Hi Jeanette, true! That’s an interesting take, they care about everything they do, and they get a real sense of accomplishment from the small things. Also a thing we can all learn!
Linda Kinsman says
I don’t have a special needs daughter, but I do have a ten year old going on 16 year old in the house and hey, guess what? Your photos look much like mine. A photographer I’m not. 🙂 Your photos look fine to me!
Your post is uplifting because you have shared a part of your life and world that I do not know. Puts my little day to day struggles into perspective. Thank you for that!
Stopping by to say Hi from MeloMomma’s blog hop. Have a great day!
Gina B says
Hi Linda, thank you so much for the compliment! I’m usually more upbeat than this, but I also try to keep it real on this blog. Hopping back over to your blog hop now!
xmasdolly says
Well, my you do have your hands full. I had raised four children on my own & that’s a chore in itself, but I couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like if one or more had special needs. Although my last child was put in special ed, but I didn’t see why until they brought it to my attention. She was slow on grasping things. Wow, I never even noticed & I felt like I had failed her somehow, but then a mother’s instinct kicks in & some how we just know what to do, don’t you think? Have a great weekend. Hailing from Stacy uncorked.
Gina B says
But you didn’t fail her! We didn’t know Zoe had problems until age 2 diagnosis #1 (SPD) and age 3, diagnosis #2 (autism). What we were was bombarded with TONS of well-meaning incorrect information about everything from so-called “spirited babies” to garbage about allergies and skin disorders and constant diarrhea being “normal”. We just assume that instinct has to be wrong or wishful thinking, but it’s really not. Please don’t feel badly-and yes, sometimes we DO just know what to do. Trust that inner voice!
As for me, yep, my hands ARE full, but I’m very type A…I don’t sit still very well at all.
? Julie Maloney ? (@Momspective) says
Cupcakes look great! My son doesn’t turn 8 until April and he’s already talking about his.
Gina B says
Oh man! My daughter is too distracted by the Christmas holidays & so excited to get back in January that she forgets every year, lol.
Gina B says
Hi Stacy, 10 is a crazy age!! Congratulations on your adoption. And I KNOW the feeling -autism gets a really bad rap, no parent wants the diagnosis, but it’s needed to help him and to get aid. It’s a challenge for any parent, but my honest experience is this: clean eating and a nontoxic house go a long way to helping a kid with these kinds of disability shed difficult behaviors! You probably already know my stance on things like packaged food, regular cleansers, and vaccines (and believe me, as a product blogger, that’s tricky – I’ve turned down lots of project offers). I even now know why kids with autism can be so smart and learning disabled at the same time. First find out why he’s having difficulties or delays because every kid is SO different. If you ever decide to look into nutrition, that’s what I’m doing with this blog this year, but email me any time. Good luck!