I had planned writing this post since Monday. I was just going to call it “fail”, because I could, in all honesty, provide you a very long list of how I’ve failed as parent… in just this week. I could mention that about a week and a half ago, I was having a major attack of Sucktastic Mommy, in which I star in my own pity party of how I suck, and how my One love group at church brought me back up with prayer and encouragement. I could tell you that once I got a grip on how I’m a parent, and a believer in God, I decided to let it go and let Him, not sweat the little (or big) thing, surrender my parenting, and STILL screamed my head off at them one too many times this week. Or how I didn’t want to play, because as I commiserated with a friend on Monday, the BIG secret of parenting a young child is that it’s dargone boring. (I don’t wanna play matching!) Or how we let the diets completely slide under the heading of “regrouping”. Or how the nighttime routine got completely shot to hell because I’ve been burning midnight oil working. On and on and on…
Yea, so I suck as a parent. I’ll admit it. Me, who can talk politics in-depth with charts & history, and tell you the differences between real physics and Star Trek physics, who ONLY likes hard Sudoku, and who adores calculus. (Really enjoyed when I studied it as an adult.) Me, who will watch the History AND the Military channel if it’s a good story because you never know when you’ll need it for that novel you’re writing. Easy peasy.
Parenting, though? Un-freaking-believably hard, and boring to boot. Like, that class you had with that stodgy old professor who you think was British that often came to class hammered ranting about who knows what before mumbling important things you KNEW’d be on the final. Parenting feels like that every day, with the added bonus of your grades being posted on the wall daily.
So yea, that’s what this post was going to be about.
And then today happened. Remember that part above about me surrendering and giving this to God? Well, He stepped in, because I can’t see how anything I did this week accomplished this:
- both children did GREAT at an impromptu (hands off) dental visit at school (required for registration). I sweated bullets about this!
- Zoe went to a playground at Chik-Fil-A and actually wanted to play with another girl! Do you know how rare that is for a 5yo with autism?? My babysitter took her, and she guided her not to grab the girl’s arm and speak to her, at which Zoe mumbled something with the word play in it! (“will you play with me?” I’m sure)
- Amelia had a GREAT day at school. Really! Her daily report was covered from top to bottom with “excellent!” and smiley faces.
So, maybe I did something right. Maybe I’ve learned something about the changes we can make and what we have to accept, about letting go and letting God. Maybe they are growing mentally. Maybe the ant-ifungal we’re giving Zoe is changing her brain.
And maybe, I can finally start to believe that my princesses too will do just fine.
Lynn says
We have a much greater positive effect on our children than we can ever realize. Parenting may be boring (and it often is for me, too) but the boring moments are often the ones that our kids later cherish. They enjoy downtime with mom. They enjoy just being read to or being tucked in. I try to train myself to enjoy these boring routines, because I know later in life that I’ll miss them greatly.
grace @ahead says
i think that we all learn from our mistakes. These mistakes make us better people. 🙂
Anne says
If your kids are strong and brilliant, you must be too. We all have ups and downs as parents but it is also a blessing.
Anne says
If your kids are strong and brilliant, you must be too. We all have ups and downs as parents but it is also a blessing.
Sara says
As parents, I feel that we all have days where we feel that we have failed- both ourselves and our children. I have done so many things as a mom that make my stomach churn as I think about them- and I have been reduced to tears after the kids go to bed at night thinking “I suck at this! Why is being a mom so damn hard?” Then, I wake up the morning, greeted by my beautiful kids with smiling faces. They have already forgotten my misdoings, and they love me blindly. This makee me love them, and my job as a mom even more. It also reminds me that I should try to live up to their image of me. With that being said, allowing mistakes in ourselves is ok, as long as we confront them, address then, and find solutions. I also think that kids need to see us “suck” sometimes- but should also see us work through it.
admin says
Sarah, thank you! What a great way of looking at it. They don’t remember our faults quite as clearly as we do! And, yes, for now at least, they love us unconditionally 🙂
Sara says
As parents, I feel that we all have days where we feel that we have failed- both ourselves and our children. I have done so many things as a mom that make my stomach churn as I think about them- and I have been reduced to tears after the kids go to bed at night thinking “I suck at this! Why is being a mom so damn hard?” Then, I wake up the morning, greeted by my beautiful kids with smiling faces. They have already forgotten my misdoings, and they love me blindly. This makee me love them, and my job as a mom even more. It also reminds me that I should try to live up to their image of me. With that being said, allowing mistakes in ourselves is ok, as long as we confront them, address then, and find solutions. I also think that kids need to see us “suck” sometimes- but should also see us work through it.
admin says
Sarah, thank you! What a great way of looking at it. They don’t remember our faults quite as clearly as we do! And, yes, for now at least, they love us unconditionally 🙂