“First Moon Party” and Toxic Parenting

You’ve probably seen this video going around the web. I honestly would rather not link it, but if you haven’t, you need to see it to get my point. Now, I totally get that it’s parody, but I also get that some people won’t take it that way and will start throwing their kids First Moon Parties. (It’s the sad state of today, that people are struggling to separate fact and fiction, reality from irony.)

What’s Wrong with This Video?

I’m not a fan of Always – I only tried their product once and reacted to it, but I don’t like the message they are putting out here. Here is a list of my complaints – and if you think young girls are NOT attuned to this message of bad attitude, snarkiness and power struggles with parents, you’ve missed the point.

• Insulting your friends/peers: “Stupid Vicky got it”
  Wow. Right out of the gate this little girl is dissing her peers. Or is Vicky the kid they bully?
• Friends are snobs: Or at least that’s the nice way to put it. So these are the kids who grow up to be Mean Girls, right?
• Peer pressure submission: The child believes she can’t not have it yet, she can’t! Because nature’s/God’s/your body’s time is not good enough anymore and being a child is for kids. Mom, did you not discuss this with her?
• She has a thigh master??? Enough said.
• Endorses lying to your friends: “They bought it”
  Not only showcasing how to maintain friendships with outright lies, but this girl obviously thinks her friends are stupid too. It’s saying that lying among friends is to be expected. I’ve been there, hon. If you think you can build a friendship based on lies that does not bring years of pain, shame and hurt, you’re obviously still a little kid.
• Inappropriate attitude toward parents.
  Mom asks, “What’s this?” In the nastiest voice you can imagine, the kid replies, “What do think it is?” Holy cow! I wanted to reach through the screen and smack her – and we are a family that does NOT spank. In fact, IF this kid were menstruating or a teen, I would still think she deserves some serious discipline, but I’d expect it somewhat, but at THIS age?
• Endorses lying to your mom. 
  Naturally, the parent-child relationship here is really screwy. What on earth could set you to make a bold faced lie to your mom about one of the most important things in life? I can even see hiding whether or not you got it, or avoiding the topic but a lie? So apparently she does not trust her mom with her medical/physical well being.
• Endorses lying right back to your child.
  Because apparently two wrongs make a right. For me, this takes the cake. You should never lie to a child.* She lied, yes, but you are the ADULT. You are the MORAL EXAMPLE.
• Encourages playing a practical joke on your child to humiliate her rather than discipline for her infractions and support for her wanting to come of age. Again, moral example from an adult. And why is this mother humiliating the girl in one of her most important coming of age experiences? Do you NOT think this will scar her?
• Encourages cursing in children. “What the HELL is a first moon party?”
  So, first bad attitude and then profanity. On second thought, if this were my kid, I would reconsider my position on spanking.
• Mom, “Hi, do you make vagina cakes?”
  Ok, I have no words for this, I’m just SPEECHLESS at this one. Although the uterus pinata and the menstrual dip kind of made me want to vomit.
• The dad.
  OK, I could go on FOREVER. First off, he’s in on it? He didn’t, like, say, “Hey wifey, this is stupid, cruel and expensive, and I won’t be made a fool of to humiliate my daughter.” Or, “I’m her biggest influence on the future husband that she’ll choose, are you SURE you want me to dress in a red unitard and pop out of a cake? Because I’m not sure what that’s telling her. About men.” But let’s get right on board with dumbing down / humiliating men and playing into the stereotype of husbands who just play along with whatever their wife thinks is best, even at their own expense.

Now, I’m NOT a fan of the site it links to, which tries to make light of periods. That’s fine but they’ve done more stereotyping. I can’t even count the number of references to “chocolate” because apparently women are all and only about, especially at period time. Periods are not cool or uncool, they are just part of life. We don’t have to use this lingo (“Crimson tide” – really?? What teen/tween is even going to get that reference? What does that even means??)

And in fact, I’m not saying we can’t ever have laugh at stuff like this. Don’t feel guilty if you did laugh! We should not be laughing at such bad parenting – because that’s what it is, BAD PARENTING. We can have fun with our kids and make a little fun of them as they can of us, but this video goes too far. I just think we can do better. In fact, Always believes that too because they’ve made…

A Video That Supports Girls, Not Their Bad Behavior

Now that I’ve called out the bad, I’m going to call out the good too. Always DOES have a video that I love. Again, not a product I’d use or endorse, but we need more videos and role models like this one and NOT like the one above:

So, this video links to Always real site, which is far more tasteful. I love the message her, actually, and it’s something to think about. I was raised with “run like a girl,” and was not even aware that it was an insult because I just didn’t think about it.

As said, I don’t endorse Always. Their Infinity Pad is the one that Andrea Donsky of Naturally Savvy lit on fire and burnt. So, whether the message is good or bad, we must always consider the product behind it too.

What Should We Be Doing?

I’m no expert, but I know one. Aunt Flo has published a great Q&A of common questions on periods here. Here’s what I’m doing:

• Explaining to my girls this is normal. “Look, mommy has it!” Yea, they already know it’s NOT glittery.
• Applauding my daughter when I caught her wearing my pad during my last period and telling her how cool that was.
• Teaching her modesty, but THAT’S a whole other post. “Your privates are yours only to be seen by your medical staff, your parents and your husband.”
• Applauding her when I caught her reading American Girls’ “YOU” book.

Now the choice is yours – what do you think of these campaigns? Do we give props where due if a product is toxic?