Father’s Day Gift: trust

In starting off this Father’s Day series, I realized that I have a terrible time with Father’s Day gifts.  My husband is very difficult to buy for.  He often gets himself what he wants, and he has no patience.  So unless a game or movie hits the stores on Father’s Day, I have no chance to buy him some of his favorite things.

So, I thought, why not give him the gifts he really wants?  What he really wants is a better wife.  I am not that bad a wife, actually, I work hard on making this a good and happy marriage, and I’m getting better at resisting the temptation to blame or backstab when things are rocky. I fail sometimes, but I don’t think I do too badly.

Still, there are things I can work on, and nothing is as glaring a fault in me as my lack of trust.  I do trust my husband with many things, like our money (that was a tough one), his fidelity, and other things too, but it came to a head when we had a spat last week and he said, “You don’t trust me!”  I was stunned, less because it wasn’t true, and more because it was.  How did I not completely trust the person closest to me than anyone else on earth?

One area I was nervous about was trusting him with the kids. Before stepping out to the a blog conference recently, I was terrified that no other adult would be there to help Chris keep track of Zoe.  (Amelia is past the wandering off stage.)  After all, we had lost her for a few minutes on vacation several years ago at a water park.

I also get stupid about little things, like will he buy the right product? Not a big deal and I laugh at myself but when were doing the restricted dieting (which will do again soon), I freaked out about this stuff.  Am I that much of a controller? I’ve learned to NOT ask what they did all day if I’m away and he’s in charge, but it’s not easy when you’re wondering if Zoe walked around with her shorts backwards all day or what that stain on the carpet that’s a subtle shade of brown could be.

After we argued,  I knew he was right. I also realized that I think it’s “no big deal” if I’m uptight don’t trust him for the little or the big things.

It is, though, a big deal to him.  Whether he is the head of the family or my equal partner doesn’t matter, either, if I don’t trust him in things both big and small, and in every area, then how can he stand strong when he needs to be a support for his family?  It’s not like he has ever proved himself to be untrustworthy, and that’s how I know this is a failing in me.

I challenge you, then, to look at your husbands and see where you can trust them.  I’m not asking you to put your faith in someone who has not shown he can be trusted.  Trust is earned, after all, and if he’s done something to make you nervous, it’s best to discuss it with him or seek counseling on the subject with him.  If, however, he’s your everyday great father, and you are  like me and scared for no reason, take a deep look inside yourself.  If you find yourself in what I’ve described, it’s time to give him that trust that he’s earned so well.

It can only benefit your whole family if you do.