I struggled a bit with this week’s post, because I really wanted to write about Zoe’s IEP. Then something happened at the meeting, a lightbulb moment for me, that made me change the course of this week’s F-word post.
Today, I want to talk about framing. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a term – frequently used in politics – to “reframe” or change the discussion about an issue to put yourself or your idea in a more positive light or, in politics, to put your opponent in a bad light. Framing exists outside of conventional thinking and sometimes even facts.
I won’t go down the political road. I’ll instead give you an example more relevant to this blog. People, such as my girls, are labeled in this day and age as “learning disabled”. However, there is a movement out there to change this to “differently abled”. After all, the difficulty Amelia has with math and Zoe with speech does not mean they will not excel in other areas (compassion, athletics, alternate academics, etc).
This hit home yesterday, as Zoe’s teacher was describing certain ASD behaviors when talking about a peg. For Zoe, it has taken us a while to get her to learn to play appropriately with toys. Her teacher was describing that she has just started playing with pegs appropriately, and then proceeded to tell me about how many kids on the autism spectrum will take the peg and hold rolling it over and over in their hands, fascinated by the shape or roundness or color.
Image: graur codrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
That’s when the light bulb went off. I kind of thought, What’s wrong with that?
Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that children do need to learn to use objects appropriately. I’m certainly not suggesting that we discard this type of therapy – that is, teaching children “appropriate” behaviors, responses, usage.
I do, however, think we can frame it better. If you think about it, all those “appropriate” things were determined by cultures, norms, mores, etc. What is appropriate, normal, typical? Do you know? Because I’m 44 and I certainly don’t.
What if we really played to our strengths, our kids’ strengths? What if we didn’t look at that super observation thing as a thing to remove, but as a thing we could focus or use somehow in a positive way?
Maybe I’m way off base, but I like this idea of framing our kids “dis”-abilities, and our own short-comings to have a positive outcome. If this is the natural way their brains work, shouldn’t we find a way to work with them, instead of forcing them outside their box all the time for everything.
Image: graur codrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
In the past, I have framed my faults. I’m not naturally volatile, I’m passionate. I don’t cry easily, I have a depth of emotion. And my kids? Well, guess what? I see them through that frame already. Amelia is compassionate, nurturing, strong, athletic, and Zoe is passionate, determined, focused.
Frugal Baby says
This the first time I’ve heard of Framing. Thanks for explaining.Sometime we get better outcome long-term results if we concentrate on strengths instead of weaknesses.Concentrating on weaknesses opens all sort of doors to negativity and frustrations.
admin says
I totally agree! Weaknesses are a part of life, but it’s best to let God deal with them. I’ll go on my strengths…
Tatiana @ Maddie's Adventures says
I really do appreciate this. It bothers me sometimes when I see parents demand that their children be just like them because that is what they think is best. Really we are all different people, even our children, and we can come up with our own way of doing things.
admin says
Thank you Tatiana! It’s true, but it does help to communicate if you can find the commonalities with your child. We are all, however, as unique as snowflakes, no two of us are exactly alike! Parents should remember that more than anyone.
Tatiana @ Maddie's Adventures says
I really do appreciate this. It bothers me sometimes when I see parents demand that their children be just like them because that is what they think is best. Really we are all different people, even our children, and we can come up with our own way of doing things.
admin says
Thank you Tatiana! It’s true, but it does help to communicate if you can find the commonalities with your child. We are all, however, as unique as snowflakes, no two of us are exactly alike! Parents should remember that more than anyone.
Lisa says
I love this article. I also have a child on the spectrum (he’s 7) and it took me at least two years to comes to terms with the fact he wasn’t neuro-typical. However, I now love to brag to my friends and family about his accomplishments. His IQ is in the superior range, and he has many abilities beyond the typical abilities most kids his age possess. So yes, being positive makes all the difference. 🙂
admin says
Hi Lisa, thank you! Coming to terms is a hard thing. It took me months of tears with Amelia’s Down syndrome, and then a few years. It was a little easier the 2nd time around with Zoe’s SPD then ASD diagnosis, but now I’m strong like bull, lol! It is SO awesome when they accomplish something great, isn’t it? Always makes me smile. And yea, I can attract better behavior with honey most of the time.
Lisa says
I love this article. I also have a child on the spectrum (he’s 7) and it took me at least two years to comes to terms with the fact he wasn’t neuro-typical. However, I now love to brag to my friends and family about his accomplishments. His IQ is in the superior range, and he has many abilities beyond the typical abilities most kids his age possess. So yes, being positive makes all the difference. 🙂
admin says
Hi Lisa, thank you! Coming to terms is a hard thing. It took me months of tears with Amelia’s Down syndrome, and then a few years. It was a little easier the 2nd time around with Zoe’s SPD then ASD diagnosis, but now I’m strong like bull, lol! It is SO awesome when they accomplish something great, isn’t it? Always makes me smile. And yea, I can attract better behavior with honey most of the time.