A few weeks ago, I was sent a book called Autism & Alleluias by Kathleen Deyer Bolduc. This awesome little book is more than a devotional. Ms. Bolduc relates her struggles and triumphs in raising her son, who has autism and finds answers in faith. She not only shares life stories, she also writes beautiful poetry as well.
But I’d like to tell you how this book encouraged me.
I had a great weekend this Easter. I’m experiencing an uncharacteristically “great” time in my life right now, and this holiday was no exception. It’s been a while since I even celebrated Easter with anyone but my kids, husband and mother-in-law, but a new church, an egg hunt, and spectacular weather put the icing on the proverbial cake. I went to bed even pleased with the girls’ behavior and lay down to read.
All of a sudden, I was struck with despair. You see, having 2 special needs kids has lately and infrequently made it really difficult to be around typically developing kids. I love those kids who belong to friends and family, and I’m grateful that they are healthy and whole, but it sometimes feels like my family’s struggles have been underscored in yellow highlighter when I’m with them.
Yes, I’m fully aware how petty that is of me and no, I wouldn’t change my kids for all the world, but I want to be honest about the suckitude I sometimes feel. And, of course, when things are great, especially in the spiritual realm, darkness tries to pull the wool over your delighted eyes. So I sat in bed, crying after a near-perfect weekend, and hating myself for it.
Then I remembered this book and thought maybe I could find some consolation. It being Easter, I read the chapter named “Resurrection”. In it, Ms. Bolduc encounters a man who comes from the Lakota Sioux culture, where they consider special needs people and children as “gifts from God” to teach the rest of us compassion. They are all treated with respect in that culture.
That gave me hope and inspiration. Don’t you ever get the feeling that as “advanced” as we are in this Western culture, sometimes we can be so backwards? I have never felt so passionate about something as the rights and respect of kids with special needs… and let me tell ya, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a pretty darn passionate person.
My recommendation? Run right out and buy Autism & Alleluias. Support the author by reading her blog.
Sadly, I have a commitment at that time and cannot go or else I’d meet you there!
Thank you, Kathy, for writing such an inspiring book and for sharing your journey with the rest of us!
Post sponsored by Kathy Bolduc. All opinions are my own.
admin says
Thanks for sharing that Trish. It was hard to write. It makes you feel like a bad person, but I sometimes get a taste of “why me” when I see so many happy, healthy kids in one place. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong, but it comes when you least expect it 🙂
Wow, that sounds great, I’ll look up that book. Thanks!
admin says
Thanks for sharing that Trish. It was hard to write. It makes you feel like a bad person, but I sometimes get a taste of “why me” when I see so many happy, healthy kids in one place. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong, but it comes when you least expect it 🙂
Wow, that sounds great, I’ll look up that book. Thanks!
Kim Shimer says
Trish, thank you for this thoughtful and honest reflection on Kathy’s book and your own situation and feelings. As a mom with two “typical” kids, I can assure you that we also experience despair and darkness at times. And with there being no “good reason” for these feelings (because our children are healthy and whole), you feel that much worse for having them. Hang in there.
admin says
Hi Kim, thank you for being kind! I guess it’s true, I can see that worry and/or despair. The harsh reality of being a parent. But we do the best we can, and leave the rest to God. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Kim Shimer says
Trish, thank you for this thoughtful and honest reflection on Kathy’s book and your own situation and feelings. As a mom with two “typical” kids, I can assure you that we also experience despair and darkness at times. And with there being no “good reason” for these feelings (because our children are healthy and whole), you feel that much worse for having them. Hang in there.
admin says
Hi Kim, thank you for being kind! I guess it’s true, I can see that worry and/or despair. The harsh reality of being a parent. But we do the best we can, and leave the rest to God. Thank you for sharing 🙂
ES says
I know this feeling. A year and a half ago, my son was diagnosed with asthma. I felt like a giant label was put on him for the rest of his life. I cried and cried and cried. All we want is for our kids to be “normal” whatever that means. Well, after a while I decided to screw it, and deal with what we got – inhalers, allergy tests, telling friends and his school about it. Going crazy every time he coughed…
And then the tics started… facial, motor, vocal… Google started coming up with words like Tourette.. Sorry I am venting. Anyway, what I am trying to say, is that we all have our dark moments, even those who appear to have normal kids, have their own despairs and struggles. This blog is inspiring me to be a better and more patient parent. Thank you.
admin says
Hi ES, I’m sorry – I know how painful it is. I’m glad I can be a source of inspiration, and to be a more patient parent. I think we all battle with that daily though, and have to forgive ourselves when we fail! We’re only human. Peace to you, g
ES says
I know this feeling. A year and a half ago, my son was diagnosed with asthma. I felt like a giant label was put on him for the rest of his life. I cried and cried and cried. All we want is for our kids to be “normal” whatever that means. Well, after a while I decided to screw it, and deal with what we got – inhalers, allergy tests, telling friends and his school about it. Going crazy every time he coughed…
And then the tics started… facial, motor, vocal… Google started coming up with words like Tourette.. Sorry I am venting. Anyway, what I am trying to say, is that we all have our dark moments, even those who appear to have normal kids, have their own despairs and struggles. This blog is inspiring me to be a better and more patient parent. Thank you.
admin says
Hi ES, I’m sorry – I know how painful it is. I’m glad I can be a source of inspiration, and to be a more patient parent. I think we all battle with that daily though, and have to forgive ourselves when we fail! We’re only human. Peace to you, g