My beautiful autistic daughter is strong, empowered and a ray of sunshine to me. So she has meltdown sometimes, so what? We need to do our best to empower our girls. Here are 26 ways to empower your autistic daughter.
- Tell her she’s loved in any way that she can understand. Kisses and hugs, or giving space and blowing your kisses – either works but let your kid decide!
- Don’t talk about her like she’s not there. Instead, INCLUDE her when you want to share or discuss something.
- Stop hating autism. I KNOW that for many of you, autism is not a gift. At some point, it can make things so difficult for your girl that it’s unbearable to watch. While it’s perfectly fine to take measures that will help her, like eliminating foods she’s allergic to or easing her gut issues, it’s also wise to accept her as she is RIGHT NOW and to let her know that.
- Give her freedom to do what she CAN do. Start by giving her a small responsibility that she can handle and increase it little by little.
- Stop saying, “good job!” so she can learn to do things without requiring praise.
- Teach her about her body. It’s hers and she needs to understand that it will change and grow.
- Don’t shame her when she starts to explore it. I know, it’s weird to see your child playing with herself but if you continue to teach her about her body, self respect and your values for sexuality, she will be fine.
- Don’t get frustrated and lose your cool over her toileting or GI issues. I fail here a lot, in fact, but I do my best to protect her by re-teaching her skills when they “vanish.”
- Plan for puberty. If you’re worried about when your autistic child will get her period, plan NOW. Don’t delay on this. Here are my tips on how to prepare your autistic daughter for puberty.
- Teach her life skills – dressing, toileting, hygiene, cleaning, cooking. Sometimes you need to create a plan to guide her. I started training Zoe to dress with shortie socks, which I would put on her toes and let her pull them up. Then I graduated her to longer socks, then other clothes. Same with showering and bathing.
- Let her get messy, like every other kid. Then, teach her to clean her own messes. (That’s independence!)
- Don’t overreact to excessive stimming. You can address that another time with diet or other modalities.
- Treat her meltdowns with compassion and dignity. Remember, they are not bad behavior; she can’t help them.
- If she can’t or won’t communicate verbally, give her other ways to speak her mind.
- Acknowledge her skills in a casual manner, i.e., “Oh let Zoe figure out the tip/take our photo/make the sign/etc.”
- Showcase her talents. For example, pin up any artwork she creates, post high scoring tests or homework assignments on the wall, or photograph her creative dress up outfits.
- React positively to all her progress to encourage her to keep at it.
- Treat her like the age you KNOW she is, rather than a baby. Expect the same from others.
- Work on inclusion. Other kids need to see her skills and opinions, especially if she has the maturity of her age, and they may be distracted by her meltdowns or think her inability to speak means she’s not as mature as she is. Show them her truth of who she is!
- Solve embarrassing situations now, especially those complicated by her sensory needs (menstrual accidents, smelly armpits, clothing malfunctions, etc.).
- Read, talk and teach positively around her because she is hears everything you say!
- Show her what’s important to you as a woman, even if you think she doesn’t understand. I bet she does.
- Acknowledge and accept her opinions. She has a right to them. (And yes, she DOES have an opinion!)
- Let her do something adventurous but do keep safety in mind – she might not!
- Rise above the haters. When we traveled last month, a woman insulted my daughter by implying that kids with autism don’t need to be alive. That night, I told her what a blessing she is to us, and have incorporated praying for her purpose in life in our nightly prayers.
- Treasure her. Nothing says, “You are worthwhile” like being a valuable member of your own family. Create that for her with all of these tips!
