There’s really something wrong with me, I can’t put my finger on it. I don’t trust my writing, I’m at a loss at where to begin on reworking this blog, or how to get my not-so-creative juices flowing. Not sure – is it summer? Heat and AC? Health? Lack of work out?
I’m a bit overwhelmed with all the learning I’ve been doing at my twice weekly Bible study. It’s almost ALWAYS life-changing lessons, and I know I’ve suffered some emotional fatigue over that. And when you learn those things, somehow how you look in a swimsuit is meaningless.
Some stress too – our respite sitter is only available once more and there goes date night – we’re having a hard time getting a line on someone to help us. And Zoe is in about week 6 of behavioral rewind, plus the stir-crazy days of summer are wearing on the kids, who’d be happy to sit at their iPads every day without end. Chris is doing GREAT at his new job, but the work insecurities of the last 5 years have taken their toll.
Not all is “meh” news, I got some great feedback today, as well as conquered a big personal issue yesterday, so there’s hope. But deep down, I think – ALL THE TIME – about my fiction writing and now I wonder if I’m even cut out to do it. I don’t know what to do with that – I’m FAR better at the actual words-on-paper writing than any other writing I do – and I think I’m good at that too. It’s like those singers who just open their mouth and are good, no training. So I know it’s a gift, and I know I have to use it, but just like working out (times 100), I don’t know how the heck to motivate myself – not a CLUE.
Melissa Long says
OK, so this is going to sound incredibly sad, but I’m being honest. The thing that motivates me the most to carve out time for things that are critical to me? I remember that I will most likely be caring for my special needs son the rest of my life and I know it will only get harder the older he gets (he’s now 10). I tell myself that I “deserve” some me time because I’m going to be going through this roller coaster of a ride until the day I die! I’m taking all the respite I can get right now.
Many times, when I read your blog, I feel exactly like you do. People tell me I’m a good writer and I should do something about it, but I don’t have the motivation for it……or anything it seems these days. What is it? For me, I think it’s just the depression of the daily grind. We, as parents of special needs kids, do a heck of a lot, and it’s easy to go a bit insane. I commend you for being so honest in your blog! Just know that there are others out there feeling the same as you. You’re an inspiration to many!
Gina B says
Thank YOU Melissa, for being honest too, for reading and understanding! Yes, that daily grind wears. To be frank, last week was the first time I realized that at some point, my girls will run out of school – and THEN what? What a scary though, since they truly love the daily activity of interaction with their peers. I don’t have a clue as to the answer, but I’m plugging along, trying to enjoy whatever I can and asking God for grace to emotionally handle the rest. Peace to you!
Christopher James says
Maybe you just need some time out. Say a day away from writing. I did that last week when I was feeling down and out. Turned out a bit of relaxation is what I needed to get back on track.
Gina B says
Good advice, but I don’t write on weekends, so I get 2 days off a week 🙂