This morning I read an article in “The Nation” called “The Upside of Ugly” by Jessica Valenti. In it, Valenti tells the story of 14-year-old Nadia Ilse, who received $40,000 worth of cosmetic surgery. The company that sponsored her surgery is a charity, Little Baby Face Foundation, performs surgeries on kids with facial deformities. When I think of facial deformities, I think of cleft palates, or young women who’ve had acid thrown on their face. The 14-year old in question had…ears that stuck out. Her problem? Getting bullied for not being pretty.
I’m not sure what the hell Little Baby Face was thinking (other then, “let’s promote ourselves!”), but when in God’s name did not fitting the unrealistic Photoshopped model standard become a deformity? What the hell are we saying to people with real disfigurement caused by disease, accidents or assault? Or for that matter, people who’s disabilities are visible, kids like Amelia, who have Down syndrome?
Valenti’s article is a must-read, because she hits on a topic that struck me: all the push for self-confidence and self-esteem in girls is a load of crap because the reality is that girls nowadays KNOW where they don’t measure up and can see tangible evidence of it. We’ve all had the pretty friend who got free drinks or evaded a speeding ticket because she batted her eyelashes. One look at not only anchorwomen and female journalists, but ALSO successful bloggers, and it’s clear that beauty is a job requirement. I just got back from BlogHer, and while I did have a fabulous time, I also felt somehow “less”, because fashion and a good sense of style are not my forte, and everyone else seemed to pull it off.
In fact, I completely got snubbed by a blogger at an event. She was dressed to the nines, and in heels, about 10 inches taller than me (I’m only 5 foot nothing, something I used to be proud of and now an incredible “fail” in our society). Because of her stature, she was able to look directly over my head as if I was not there, despite me smiling at her and trying to make “contact”. Other bloggers followed her lead and were barely nice to me, or didn’t introduce themselves.
Seriously, people, WTF grade are we in? I have no time for this BS. This was my only negative experience in a 5000-guest event…even a plain Jane like me can meet great people and I hopefully sowed the seeds for some great relationships, because of my passion for my cause, my blog, and you guys, my readers.
One wonders who if young lady will bully or snub others, now that she is “so pretty.”
HAVE YOU BEEN SNUBBED AS AN ADULT BECAUSE OF YOUR LOOKS OR STYLE?
PLEASE SHARE YOUR STORY!
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Laurie says
It is pretty sad that we are judged by our looks first and not personality. I admit that I have probably done it in my life too. But whatever, sometimes I am my most confident when I know that I don’t look perfect. Since I am not worrying about my makeup or hair out of place, I can focus more on the content of what I am saying or what is being said instead!
admin says
thanks Laurie, I agree, but I’m also going to admit that I’ve had a hard time aging…the last 2 years have been physically tough on me. My age are the scars of raising my kids, and supporting my husband, so I *shouldn’t* be ashamed of it!
admin says
You know, I totally forgot to add to this story that my parents, who were loving & wonderful, may they RIP, offered my sister a nose job at 16. My sister is like tons more gorgeous than me too, but we both look like Mom now 🙂 They learned from THAT mistake, and overcompensated by telling me I was beauty contest gorgeous. So my sister and I both have esteem issues. OOPS!
admin says
Vicky, I’m sorry it happened to you too! Augh…And you have an apt description of what it feels like. Please just go ahead and link my post, no problem! I’m happy to share.
admin says
I did have a LOT of good experiences, though, so the good-to-bad ratio is excellent. It’s just sad that anyone has to ask this way. If you saw the blogger, you’d think her above this sort of behavior, but looks can be deceiving. Style doesn’t mean a thing.
Tracy @ Ascending Butterfly says
Honestly the behavior this year was worse than ever. I was almost body slammed at a certain vendor booth. The people behind me who appparently thought I must be deaf, shouted ‘We have to be there in FIVE minutes, she doesn’t look important just push her and grab the samples so we can leave.’ The sponsor saw and heard this because he was standing adjacent to me and kicked them off the line, but really? What are we, like in Kindegarten? I know what you mean about how hard some people made it to make contact. But since there weren’t enough seats at many panels, parties, and keynotes, I got to meet great folks while eating on the floor like a dog, we all formed a campfire and bonded! And we definitely welcomed new folks to our floor circle, by holding their plate and cup so they get down to the floor and join us easier! 🙂
I saw your post in The Blogger Connection, I just wanted to introduce myself, I am a former Special Ed teacher myself!
admin says
Hi Tracy, so nice to meet you! Sorry for the delay in approving comment, your post ended in spam for some reason??
Wow, that’s…I’m just speechless at how you were treated! I’ve heard even more about bad behavior at BlogHer, and guess I was really lucky to have missed most of it! Yeesh…I was there, pretty much all business, and connected with some friends too, but mostly? I met strangers, and most were nice.
I DO agree that 5000 is way too many people, and the Hilton was too small to accomodate that large a crowd, which is probably why it’s been moved back to a conference center for next yea.