I was thinking about yesterday’s post, and this new endeavor to dive into a health/nutrition/biomedical approach to..um, what’s the right word..not “cure”, alleviate, perhaps…well, anyway, our new attempt to reduce Zoe’s symptoms so that perhaps she can be fully included in the kindergarten we want her to go to in September.
I was reading another blog I love, All 4 My Girls, reading about Tarenne’s web show, thinking how awesome this kid is, when I started wondering what was I so afraid if, indeed, my best efforts to a biomedical approach don’t have the hoped-for results?
I had to call a can of shenanigans on my own ass.
Because here I am, writing this blog, ranting on and on about acceptance, inclusion, level playing fields, blah blah blah, and yet, I’m having the darnedest* time accepting Zoe just as she is. Now, I’m not going to lie – I hope this does have the desired outcome, not just for me, but for Zoe, and for Amelia, and for my family as a whole. Tantrums and inattentiveness to discipline efforts and nudity** really throw things like peace and good will out the window. If I weren’t devoted to God, I’d be on Prozac or Effexor or something.
BUT if for some reason, there is no toxicity in her body and this is how she is, what then? Then I screw on my praying cap to get me through the days, and find discipline solutions that I have not encountered yet, and accept my girl, wholly, unconditionally and take her for the blessing I know in my gut she is. I treat her like God treats me on days when I’m my a-hole-est: with unconditional love and acceptance, and forgiveness for what she does not know, and what she does. Learn, as I’m trying to now, to laugh at the stuff, both big and little, and just move along when it gets ugly.
This is the job, folks, parenting from the soul on down.
*Darnedest?? Seriously that is a word? It’s coming up good in my spell check, which is shocking as I had to try to spell it 3 or 4 times – really??
** Not full nudity, she just won’t wear her shirt, in the car, or the bus, or in front of the house, or if it gets wet. Seriously. She does not care if it’s a frosty, sub-freezing day. Never mind the whole social thing… We really need to a solution before she has boobs.