Hello peeps. I’ve got to tell you, it’s been rough lately. I’ve been extremely busy and not sleeping well, so blogging has been hard. Come Sunday night, I lost it.
You see, the reason I’ve not been sleeping is because Zoe has not been sleeping. She is up til the wee hours, or she cat naps and then wanders into our room at 3am. It is not a good situation, I have a hard time sleeping with anyone, much less a tireless, energetic 5 year old.
But the real stress is my disappointment over my shattered plans for Zoe for this year, and fear about her kindergarten situation for next year. She starts a week or 2 before her sixth birthday, and I just don’t see any good options that will NOT have her repeating K at the age of 7. (AUGH)
So this all kind of imploded on me: her disabilities, her sleeplessness, her tantrums, her refusal to wear clothes at home, her lack of progress, her lack of options for a better or more education or preschool, to prep her for 5 days a week in 11 months. Don’t even get me started on potty training, which I epicly failed at with Amelia and am failing now. So I melted down. I sat in my bed and a had a right pity party, full of blaming God, tears, and maybe I even threw a book. No one else knew or heard it, but it shook me to the core.
At the end of it, though, I felt like that woman in “Eat, Pray, Love“. At the beginning of the book, stuck in an untenable life, Elizabeth Gilbert breaks down and cries, no, weeps. When she is done, a long long time later, begging the universe what to do next, a voice tells her to sleep. Something similar happened, except I was told to read. I did, opening “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World“, thinking I’d left it off at the “server others” chapter. I’d actually left it off just before the last chapter, where the author admits to struggling with writing the book because she had not yet learned that Mary-Martha balance.
And that was a word to me. I’m in the middle of it, and I can’t see the way out, but God is exhorting me, no, forcing me to get it down on the page, to churn out something that is for Him and for you, but really and truly is probably for me.
So I’m committing (and at the end of it, I may be committed!) – I’m writing a non-fiction book of encouragement. The chapters were outlined in a fever pitch one evening, and right now the intro section is killing me. A chapter a week? Or a day? Or maybe I’ll have to jump in and play along with NANOWRIMO next month.
Keep me honest, dear readers! Ask me if I’m writing, and hold me to it.
Ok, I’m burnt out, but I did write a little, and it’s craptastic, but it’s a start…