So in my continuing battle to improve the brains and social skills of my children, I feel a lot of times like I do today: that it’s uphill and it’s not getting anywhere. I have obstacles to overcome, such as:
- a definite lack of time. This is an issue that will improve soon, but even then I might just be too dog-tired.
- everything’s complicated. Going gluten-free, casein-free, chocolate-free is proving damn near impossible. I love my husband but he doesn’t consider it “vacation” if the kids can’t have ice cream. The school keeps giving Zoe goldfish. We found a new bakery but they barely have any items both GF and CF.
- cooking still really sucks. We found a bread we’d thought would work. It took 2 hours of processing, and then after 2.5 days, it started to disintegrate…not the bread, it just tasted more and more like yeast, which is gross.
- I miss pizza. I miss it because I just want to make a call and order food on insane nights, of which we have a dozen this week. Can’t I just have damn pizza??
- supplements. I don’t understand half of what to give who for what, and still can’t get them into Zoe. I just read a study that found kids with autism to have nutrient deficiencies compared to kids without.
I don’t believe I’m a bad mother. I’m just getting really discouraged. What if I bust my ass on this, and it has no effect? I read stories that say, “Oh, the first week we saw a new child!” and yet I hear it takes months to get gluten and dairy proteins out of the systems. Zoe does not have regressive autism, will it make a difference? Is it a pipe-dream-fantasy to hope she improves, or pessimism to get discouraged? And what about Amelia, who dutifully takes her nutrients and finds a million ways to indulge her chocolate addiction? What do I even give her for her brain? Where do I start?
I feel alone. I wish we had a doctor nearby that I felt more comfortable with consulting. I wish the whole family had such a practitioner.
Next week we are going on vacation and yes, there is much we can do..Disney does the diets, I can google restaurants, we’ll have a full kitchen in our non-Disney resort. But the voice in my head says it’s vacation, and I’ve been seriously overworked and need to relax. What will happen then?
Too tired to think. Off for now…
Theresa Tamaki says
June 13, 2011 at 8:59 pmI’m a mother to a daughter with Crohn’s disease, and she needs a special diet as well. You wondered what would happen if you tried so hard to do right by your children, and then see no effect. Though that’s possible and very discouraging to contemplate, here’s a better way to think in order to keep your sanity. “I’ll try this and it might work. If it doesn’t,?I’ll try something else.” This is good thinking because you would really beat yourself up if you didn’t do what you could to mother your children well. Know that you probably have stubborn resources of strength that are yet untapped. However, make sure that you accept any offers of help that you get from friends, in order to avoid burnout. Cut out extaneous things from your life, “Just in this busy season of my life”, to stay afloat. I’ll be praying for you today.
admin says
June 14, 2011 at 10:38 amHi Theresa, thank you so much! You are very kind and pretty wise too 🙂 I like your spin on it, and I’ll follow your advice. It’s something we’re trying. I also know that it takes time to get it right. I’m always amazed at how close to the edge of failure parents often feel, and how closer still parents of children with special needs feel. But God always gets us through.
June L says
June 15, 2011 at 12:56 amI will be praying for you guys. God will reveal anything you need to know and he is a great source of strength. Take care.
admin says
June 15, 2011 at 11:46 amThank you June. It’s been a challenge, which makes me feel guilty. It shouldn’t be and I’m so lucky, I know that, but still..
June L says
June 15, 2011 at 12:56 amI will be praying for you guys. God will reveal anything you need to know and he is a great source of strength. Take care.
admin says
June 15, 2011 at 11:46 amThank you June. It’s been a challenge, which makes me feel guilty. It shouldn’t be and I’m so lucky, I know that, but still..