So in my continuing battle to improve the brains and social skills of my children, I feel a lot of times like I do today: that it’s uphill and it’s not getting anywhere. I have obstacles to overcome, such as:
- a definite lack of time. This is an issue that will improve soon, but even then I might just be too dog-tired.
- everything’s complicated. Going gluten-free, casein-free, chocolate-free is proving damn near impossible. I love my husband but he doesn’t consider it “vacation” if the kids can’t have ice cream. The school keeps giving Zoe goldfish. We found a new bakery but they barely have any items both GF and CF.
- cooking still really sucks. We found a bread we’d thought would work. It took 2 hours of processing, and then after 2.5 days, it started to disintegrate…not the bread, it just tasted more and more like yeast, which is gross.
- I miss pizza. I miss it because I just want to make a call and order food on insane nights, of which we have a dozen this week. Can’t I just have damn pizza??
- supplements. I don’t understand half of what to give who for what, and still can’t get them into Zoe. I just read a study that found kids with autism to have nutrient deficiencies compared to kids without.
I don’t believe I’m a bad mother. I’m just getting really discouraged. What if I bust my ass on this, and it has no effect? I read stories that say, “Oh, the first week we saw a new child!” and yet I hear it takes months to get gluten and dairy proteins out of the systems. Zoe does not have regressive autism, will it make a difference? Is it a pipe-dream-fantasy to hope she improves, or pessimism to get discouraged? And what about Amelia, who dutifully takes her nutrients and finds a million ways to indulge her chocolate addiction? What do I even give her for her brain? Where do I start?
I feel alone. I wish we had a doctor nearby that I felt more comfortable with consulting. I wish the whole family had such a practitioner.
Next week we are going on vacation and yes, there is much we can do..Disney does the diets, I can google restaurants, we’ll have a full kitchen in our non-Disney resort. But the voice in my head says it’s vacation, and I’ve been seriously overworked and need to relax. What will happen then?
Too tired to think. Off for now…