What do you do when you’re marriage is trouble?
There are many answers and solution but there are some things you should never do:
7 Things You Should Never Do When Your Marriage is in Trouble:
- Keep your friends informed of your marital challenges – but not your spouse.
- Keep your feelings bottled up inside.
- Mistake “letting myself get disrupter” for “trying to keep the peace.”
- Not confronting an issue that is damaging you, your spouse and your children.
- Lying to yourself that everything is “fine.”
- Comparing your marriage to others that “seem” happy.
- Thinking or fantasizing about separation or divorce before even having one discussion with your spouse about the problems.
If you and your spouse do not have pretty good balance in the areas of romance, friendship, sex, responsibilities, and communication, or your marriage is clearly on the rocks, you definitely want to avoid those seven items.
My husband and I have hit some rocky patches in the last few months. The reason for this is on both of us: we didn’t “stop the insanity” of what was going on and while we were spending lots of time together, we had stopped connecting a long time before.
Book Review: 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage:
These are just two of the secrets Kim Kimberling, PhD writes about in his new book, which I got to review, available at my Amazon link, “7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage: Strengthen Your Most Intimate Relationship.” Kimberling looks at marriage from the perspective of a professional Christian marriage counselor, with over 30 years of experience. Throughout the book, you meet all kinds of couples in troubles: newlyweds, those in long time marriages, those with small problems, those on the brink of divorce. As you read their stories, you become compelled in rooting for them to succeed and, you’ll recognize yourself or your spouse dealing or avoiding the struggles in your own marriage. I’d like to tell you these couples all end up together, and most do, but some, sadly, do not.
What advice does Kimberling have for married or engaged couples? He advises taking a pro-active, anti-divorce stand and figuring out what you CAN do to save or improve your marriage.
What You SHOULD Do When Your Marriage is in Trouble:
Kimberling defines 7 key “secrets” or steps you can take with your spouse to get on the road to recovery:
- Stop the insanity that holds you back as a couple.
- Start putting God first, spouse second.
- Connect with your spouse.
- Engage constructively rather than arguing.
- Balance your marriage with time for each other.
- Don’t give up on sex!
- Fight for your marriage.
The author coaches couples through all seven of these practice and gives concrete examples of how to do them – and how NOT to do them. For example, he gives his own life experience of not properly listening to his wife and teaches how to rekindle effective communication when you need to communicate.
Insight, Guidance and Relatable Stories
In addition, Kimberling gives wives some great insight into the mind of men, especially in the “sex” chapter. Yes, this is one of the better chapters, on how to really rekindle that flame and enjoy sex within marriage as a way to truly connect and honor God’s design from marriage – but you need to do the steps in order! That said, this book has lots of actionable items, level-headed advice and real world examples to help you on your journey to a better marriage.
The only complaint I had about this book is that it really is for a believing couple. Secret #2, which has some great tips on joining together as Christian believers in marriage, is a bit of a stretch if you are not married to a Christian. I wouldn’t be put off by that, though. I got a lot of wonderful tips and have shared them with my husband – many of which he agreed with or laughed along with me.
This book is an excellent guide to marriage, not just for married couples in trouble, for for any couple, married or engaged, that wants to improve their marriage or set up a firm foundation. It’s an easy read, too, and simple to share with your spouse.
How to Buy:
7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage: Strengthen Your Most Intimate Relationship
7 Secrets To An Awesome Marriage Discussion Guide
Another great book to help couples communicate when your marriage is in trouble is this one: